Word Vomit

I started this blog a little over a year ago. I wanted a chance to write and to tell people what was going on in my life, how I was feeling, what I was doing, etc. Soon the reason I wrote in this thing was in hopes that one person could read how I felt about him. I could say all the things that I felt like I couldn’t say to him. I was still writing about my life, he was my life, and to some extent he still is. The funny thing is, I don’t even know if he does read it. So what’s the point? I would say to those who ask, is hope.

I had hoped that I could make a difference, that I could be a reason to get up in the morning. It turns out that I didn’t even know that the things I had hoped to be, were the things that I needed myself. He was that for me, he is that for me.

I can’t tell you what it’s like to wake up in the arms of the person you love, to look at your phone when it rings and see their name and get nervous everytime you talk to them, but feel like you are exactly where you are supposed to be everytime you look into their eyes.

So, this is it, this is intended to be my last entry in this blog. The blog that I love so much, but this chapter needs to be closed. And though I can pretend to close it in the physical world, it will be a chapter that remains unfinished in my heart, one marked with my favorite bookmark. After time passes and I have forgotten about the book, I will wonder about that bookmark that I loved so much, and go searching for that book again, only to open to that last chapter I left and finish, until then I am still unsure of how the book will end.

This doesn’t mean that I am done blogging, this just means that I’m going to try not to only write about how I feel about this one person. You can read my new entries at bcarp84.blogspot.com.